My fiancé (oh that’s so
fun to say) and I recently decided to start pre marital counseling. Not because
we are already having issues but because we want a solid foundation to build
our marriage on. Also when has Godly counseling ever been a bad thing? Tuesday
was our first session and I went in with so much anxiety. Some many thoughts
that at had never entered my head began flooding in. What if he (the counselor)
says we are too young? What if this makes me not want to marry the man of my
dreams? What if he says we are incompatible? And worst of all what if this
makes Hayden not want to marry me? With all of these thoughts, I was dreading
walking into the office. However coming
out of the meeting I was more excited than ever before about being married and
becoming a wife!! We learned so much in that short hour and a half. I can’t
wait to go back and discover even more. The advice he gave us not only applied
to marriage but a lot of it related to everyday life. There are a few things
that I really think are worth sharing for everyone to read.
1.
Don’t be
negative! That was some of the first things that came out of his mouth. He
talked a lot about communication and how that is key to a successful marriage.
His key piece of advice about communicating was don’t be negative. Every answer
to a question HAS a positive initial response. He went on to say that when
someone says they loved something, you don’t need to instantly come back with a
response on how you disliked the same thing even if that is the case. He also pointed
out that if someone makes a mistake in what he or she is saying there is no
need to point it out for the world to see. I think that this advice is vital for
marriage but is also so important for everyday life. Proverbs 16:24 “Gracious
words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” All words
that come out of our mouths should be gracious, kind and loving.
2.
“Let your
yes be yes and your no be no,” leads us into his second major point. It too is
about communicating. Clarity is of vital importance. If you say something be
sure and mean it. Do not go back on your word or promises. I can see how this
is extremely important in married life but once again this should be an
everyday rule we live by. Most people do try to keep their word, but take the
extra step and really keep it. If you say you will pray for a person then do
it. Remember that integrity is a disappearing in this world so going above and
beyond and really being honest with your words makes a difference.
3.
Finally the
last thing I want to point out that he said was happiness cannot be pursued it
ensues. Something that ensues occurs as a result of other actions. We need a
cause greater than ourselves. For Hayden (my fiancé) and I, it is a happy
marriage. That is what our “goal” is. However it’s not something that we
pursue. It is something that occurs from being intentional with our behavior,
not just our thoughts, everyday. We have to make a daily choice to be
self-sacrificing. If we choose to behave this way a happy marriage will ensue.
Along these lines he said, the best day of our marriage should be the day one
of us dies. We should never settle and we should always make today better than
yesterday and tomorrow better than today. I think that is a powerful statement
that I want to live like in every area of my life.
I hope this inspires you
like it inspired me. Also I hope you have a wonderful week and make tomorrow
better than today.
Blessings,
Alissa <3
